fukkkres:

when ur eating dinner at your friends house

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and their parents start arguing

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and you want to ask for the salt

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but the salt is right in between their upcoming divorce

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ohmahgahd:

THIS WEBSITE.

ofwnchesters:

no but guys

someone told our professor that i had a fantastic pick up line and they made me tell her

DO YOU KNOW
HOW AWKWARD IT IS
TO LOOK YOUR PROFESSOR IN THE EYE AND SAY
β€œI MAY NOT GO DOWN IN HISTORY BUT I’LL GO DOWN ON YOU”

AND THEN

SHE RESPONDS

β€œI’M GOING TO TRY THAT ON MY HUSBAND”

dONE

neptunain:

we need better sex ed because I know a girl who thought that the female orgasm always involved squirting so she fakes by peeing on guys and this needs to stop

I want to roll over at 2 a.m. to a kiss from you not a text message

17yr:

woah calm down im just trying to date your dad

I am constantly torn between wanting to improve myself and wanting to destroy myself.